A Christian pastor has opened up about her troubled past as a porn star and revealed that she quit the adult film industry after receiving a clear message from God.
Crissy Outlaw, 41, was once one of the most successful women in the adult film industry, appearing in over 50 adult movies between 2001 and 2006 and earning over $15,000 a month at the top of her six-year career.
She shared with the MailOnline how she entered the porn industry at a young age following a troubled childhood that saw her sexually abused by a neighbor. Her parents were divorced, and she primarily lived with her father, who continually preached to her about sexual purity and maintaining her virginity until she got married.
"I couldn't understand why I was being molested so many times; it was confusing to me," Outlaw said. "Why is it so easy for people to touch my body? I couldn't make sense of it as a child. I thought it must be something about me that's making it happen. I didn't tell my father because I couldn't have a relationship with him, since he's hard to get along with."
Eventually, Outlaw moved in with her mother, and fell pregnant at 17 after losing her virginity. However, after being dumped in her third trimester by the man she planned to marry, she felt forced to have an abortion.
"I was fully awake and aware of everything going on during the abortion and my heart was shattered while the life was literally being sucked out of me,' she recalled. "It was awful....my school knew about my abortion and I lost all my friends. That was one of the most traumatic things that happened."
Her self-esteem at an all-time low, Outlaw fell into depression and attempted to find fulfillment in her relationships with men. She revealed that one boyfriend, who was addicted to adult films, raped her several times and forced her to have multiple abortions.
"I never felt good enough for the men I dated," she said. "I didn't feel beautiful because they looked at porn during sex with me. I thought, am I not good enough for you that you can't only look at me? I felt worthless to the point that I chose porn and I said, 'One day I'm going to be one of the girls you watch on screen.'"
After posting a picture of herself on a web page advertising for models, Outlaw quickly rose to success as a porn star. Over her six-year career, the actress modelled for Playboy and even set up her own website, which made over $15,000 a month.
"There's unlimited amounts of money I could have made," she said.
Despite her glamorous lifestyle, Outlaw was empty inside. One night, she fell to the floor and cried out to God, broken by her relationships and unsure of where to turn.
"I fell to the ground and I said 'God, if you're real, I need you to tell me. I need a sign because everything I know about love isn't right. And I need to feel you in my life because I haven't felt you since I was 11 years old' and I stayed on the floor," she said.
The next day, while visiting her boyfriend on a film set in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Outlaw was surprised when a man named Chris refused to look at a topless photo of a crew member's wife that was being passed round.
After talking to Chris and admitting that she was a porn star, Outlaw found out that her boyfriend had already told everyone and shown nude pictures of her to the crew.
Instead of shaming her, Chris asked her: "Do you know Jesus?"
Outlaw was stunned: "I started crying when he asked me if I wanted to rededicate my life," she recalled. "I said yes. [After that], I didn't do any more shoots and stopped accepting any income from pornography."
After embracing Christianity, Outlaw's life took a drastic turn. She shared how she would tear up checks that would arrive and even asked to have her website taken down. She began visiting a therapist and attending a local church. There, she met her husband-to-be, Lawton Outlaw - a youth pastor at the time.
The two married in May 2013, and Outlaw now travels around the country to tell others of her experience.
"I made tons of mistakes but entering porn was one of the biggest ones," she said. "This mistake is out there forever but I've come to peace with myself and who God has made me to be."
According to watchdog Covenant Eyes, the porn industry generates $13 billion each year in the US, and by 2017, a quarter of a billion people are expected to be accessing mobile adult content from their phones or tablets, an increase of more than 30% from 2013.
In recent years, a number of celebrities have spoken out against pornography, such as Pamela Anderson, British comedian Russell Brand, actors Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rashida Jones, and former NFL player and "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" actor Terry Crews.
